Spring Introspections

Spring is always a turning point for me.  If I had my own year/cycle it would start in spring.  It tends to be a time of introspection, consideration, reevaluation, and ultimately acceptance.  Those bring their own fears and joys.  I can’t count the number of life decisions I’ve made in spring.  Both the sad and scary, the exciting and optimistic.  Sometimes I wish I could better articulate the jumble in my head.  I think it might be profound, for me at least.  There are always glimpses of conveyable clarity at the most inconvenient times that become fuzzy again when I’m at a place to try to jot them down.  Maybe there is a reason for that.  They aren’t quite solid and ready to be grasped and mulled over for what they are just yet.

April is my down month this year.  My home month.  In the whirlwind of a life I’ve created the new poultry orders have me grounded for about 4 weeks.  I still laugh that it’s hard for me to find a 4 week stretch where I’m not gone on some adventure with out planning it months ahead of time.  Rather than feel tied down I feel invigorated.  I get to ponder life and death while watching the new birds flourish under my care.  I watch my garden starts grow each day and clap my hands like a little kid when each plant puts on it’s true leaves and reveals it’s potential for what it will be.  I get to savor the excitement of all the summer adventures planned that are still ahead.

I’ve been spending time trying to learn to be gentle with myself.  Focusing on being enough, being true.  I spend a lot of energy on trying to be who I think I should be and less time cultivating who I already am.  I am enough.  I am loved.  Those are scary things to accept.

More practical matters… The garden starts are going strong in the house.  I’ve decided to try straw bale gardening.  I have a large garden area but I hate weeding 🙂  It’s also seen some good years of use so it’s a foot or more lower than the surrounding lawn.  I’m hoping I’ll get weed free gardening and also add some materials back in.

I have a new greenhouse coming!  When I left my ex’s house we had agreed I could get my greenhouse at a later time, but as things transpired it’s no longer an option.  I’ve been a bit frustrated about it and concocted various plans to retrieve it, but a gift came in the offer of a new greenhouse which was exactly what I needed to let that one go.

This week was scheduled for the new poultry arrivals.  16 chicks have arrived, including a new rooster I actually, intentionally ordered 🙂  About half are destined for a friend’s coop.  17 ducks arrived (not counting the two cayuga ducks already out on the pasture).  Nine are more khaki campbells for laying and eight are flying mallards for Geoff.  The mallards are largely just for fun.  We don’t know if they’ll stay or leave when the seasons change.  Friday morning should see the arrival of 15 turkeys which will round out the farm for the season.  I love it when the new babies arrive but can do with out the repeated 5:30am phone messages to go to the post office to retrieve them since the hatchery ships every batch on a different day of the week 🙂


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